I Was Attacked By Stoner Aliens on 4/20!

Hey guys, Scott here, with my annual holiday wish that all those so inclined got their buzz on yesterday, and achieved Maximum Mellow. Me? I was the subject of yet another alien visitation, when Mike & Ike suddenly decided to drop by Earth and remind me I owed them five bucks and seven minutes alone with my Salad Spinner™. Fortunately, this pan-dimensional, pan-sexual, pan-bearded pair of otherworldly imps--unlike some other extraterrestrials I could name (lookin' at you and your strap-on, E.T.)--they chose not to probe my anus, for reasons that were typical of the two:

IKE: Now don't take this personal, Scott. 'tain't personal, we like ya jus' fine.

MIKE: It's merely that we can tell, even from a distance, that you have an usually boring anus.

So it's a Good News/Bad News thing. But on the bright side, they landed in the middle of a Midwestern poetry slam, and closed out the evening with a tight 10.  Please enjoy...The Return of Mike & Ike:

Mike 'n' Ike Review The Munsters (2022)

Scott here. Jeff and I would have watched this and recorded a show about it, if I didn't find myself oddly immune to the comic stylings of Rob Zombie. Oh sure, he's funny, but they really should've hired someone with proven horror chops. Like Mr. Rogers. (I know he's dead, but imagine a worm-eaten corpse in a cardigan shambling around the set, holding a director's viewfinder up to his empty black socket. Now that's scary and funny. But I digress...) 

Jeff, however, would not let this stand, and fobbed the job off on Immortal Alien Stoners and Entertainment Gurus Mike and Ike, who began life as a feature in a college newspaper, and now return to their roots. Enjoy!

The Munsters (2022)

Directed by Rob Zombie

Written by Rob Zombie

Based on Characters Created By Norm Liebmann & Ed Haas

From a Format By Alan Burns & Chris Hayward

SOUND EFFECTS: LIGHTER. INHALE.

IKE: (Holding breath) Brain bad.

MIKE: I know, Isaac. I know. Now give me Falcor before brain leak.

IKE: (Exhales) Suck away, limey. You deserve it.

MIKE: You are not wrong.

THREE QUICK INHALES, LONGER ONE.

PAUSE.

IKE: Told ya this stuff was good. Keep holdin’...hold...and exhale!

THREE QUICK INHALES, LONGER ONE.

IKE: I know, limey. I know, but we’ll get through this. We gotta. I’m not lettin’ him break us. Now gimmie.

THREE QUICK INHALES, LONGER ONE.

IKE: Gimmie Falcor.

THREE QUICK INHALES, LONGER ONE.

IKE: Michael.

THREE QUICK INHALES, LONGER ONE.

IKE: I will punch your pecker so hard it’ll feel like Tuesday. Exhale!

EXHALE.

MIKE: (Short pause) I am ready now.

IKE: You are such a greedy bitch!

MIKE: (English accent) Greetings and salutations. He’s not Mike.

IKE: (Southern accent) He ain’t Ike, but we are confused.

MIKE: And pissed!

IKE: And sad.

MIKE: And high.

IKE: And impressed.

MIKE: And not at all aroused.

IKE: And it’s entirely cuz'a Rob Zombie.

MIKE: A.) Because he hasn’t called us in weeks!

IKE: And 2.) We watched The Munsters and...damn!

MIKE: I fucking hate prequels!

IKE: This is what Zombie wanted to do!

MIKE: Well Zombie’s wrong. I don’t care how they met! I don’t care about the early days of Butch and Sundance, and I could give less than three fifteenths of an actual fuck about when Harry met Lloyd!

IKE: Ya cared about how they got the Death Star plans.

PAUSE.

MIKE: Shut up. The point is it’s already got one strike against it. Strike beta: it’s in color.

IKE: Ta be fair

MIKE: To be fair

BOTH:(Singing) TO BE FAIR!

IKE: Zombie wanted it in black and white. Higher Ups nixed that.

MIKE: Well Higher Ups are wrong. The Munsters are basically classic Universal monsters, and said classic monsters are black and white. They just don’t work in color.

IKE: You’re not wrong.

MIKE: I know.

IKE: That bein’ said...

MIKE: Damn it! Let me enjoy my righteous fury!

IKE: The colors that Zombie used were incredible.

MIKE: I don’t care.

IKE: Ya said so while we were watchin’ the damn thing!

PAUSE.

MIKE: Point taken.

IKE: I think the best way ta describe the look of this thing is it’s as if Dario Argento directed Creepshow for kids.

MIKE: That’s...very good, Isaac. Well done.

IKE: Thank you.

MIKE: You may have Falcor now.

IKE: THANK YOU!

LIGHTER. INHALE.

MIKE: It should have been in black and white.

IKE: (HOLDING BREATH) You’re right. (EXHALE) I’m just saying what we got was pretty cool.

MIKE: I’m not letting this one go. I think I would have liked the film more if it’d been in black and white.

IKE: Really.

MIKE: Yes.

IKE: This prequel?

MIKE: Yes.

PAUSE.

IKE: Point taken.

MIKE: The acting is intentionally community theatre over the top and all the performances would have come across so much better if they had been in fucking black and white!

IKE: Agreed.

MIKE: That being said, My God, Richard Brake is great.

IKE: He’s got this Vincent Price on the Brady Bunch vibe goin’ on and it is awesome. Best Mad Scientist since Gene Wilder.

MIKE: In that category, agreed.

IKE: I also really liked Grandpa.

MIKE: The Count. Remember, it’s a PREQUEL!

IKE: Everybody in the flick is fine, but The Count and The Doc are really the ones worth talkin’ about.

MIKE: Sherrie was funnier as the newscaster.

IKE: We’re gonna go there now?

MIKE: I think we should.

IKE: Alrighty then.

LIGHTER, INHALE.

MIKE: Thank you.

LIGHTER, INHALE.

PAUSE. BOTH INHALE.

IKE: The flick’s not that funny.

MIKE: It has a few good jokes.

IKE: But most of them are really hokey.

MIKE: And really bad.

IKE: But here’s the thing.

MIKE: Godsdammit, Isaac.

IKE: The jokes are really no worse than anything heard on the original Munsters, or I Dream of Jeannie, or My Three Sons, or any sitcom from that era.

MIKE: That doesn’t make them good.

IKE: But it does make them accurate.

MIKE: I don’t care! I’m entertained watching The Munsters. Hell, I’m entertained watching Munster Go Home! I was not entertained watching this!

IKE: If it’d been in black and white?

MIKE: I might have been.

IKE: If it had been fifteen minutes shorter and in black and white?

M: But it’s not so it doesn’t fucking matter.

SHORT PAUSE.

IKE: This one hurt, limey.

MIKE: This one hurt bad, and it shouldn’t have! That’s the worst part!

IKE: Higher Ups suck.

MIKE: So say we all.

Mike & Ike Grill Javier Grillo-Marxuach

 A Blast from the Past! Immortal stoners and media critics Mike & Ike return from the aether for another look at this classic interview with the creator of The Middleman!

The Slumgullion Podcast · Javier Grillo-Marxuach

Mike & Ike Meet Barry Bostwick

And here's the best unwrapped non-present you won't find under your tree this year--a look back at a high point of the old ASSJAM podcast. Yes, it's the Boy's justly famous interview with Barry Bostwick, in an episode that's entitled "Fork Scorpion" for reasons that will immediately become apparent (I'm lying).

As Ike himself remembers: "One of the reasons Barry Bostwick is one of the coolest people on the planet is that he got Mike and Ike immediately, who they are, what they are; and he played with us. He said afterwards it was the most fun he'd ever had being interviewed.

We got that a lot."

The Dead Talk Back: Mike & Ike Report Live From 1931

As we count down to our Christmas Day spectacle, here's a flashback to 1931, as immortal stoner film critics Mike & Ike report live from what many consider to be the greatest year for horror films ever. Spoiler: they kinda liked that German one.

It Came Upon a Midnight Weird

We've managed to obtain -- don't ask how, let's just say we've done things we're not proud of -- a teaser trailer for the Super Secret Xmas Spectacular, debuting right here on Christmas Day.

And I don't want to spoil anything, but...

The Boys are back in town.

The Slumgullion Episode 13 “Who Doesn’t Love Sassy Sue?”

Guest starring Blanche Ramirez and John Szura

Jeff and Scott have a discovered a new to them film genre…Hillbilly Soft Core…and it is every bit as WTF as you can imagine.  Strap in for cringe inducing jokes and cringier inducing nudity.