Mike 'n' Ike Review The Munsters (2022)

Scott here. Jeff and I would have watched this and recorded a show about it, if I didn't find myself oddly immune to the comic stylings of Rob Zombie. Oh sure, he's funny, but they really should've hired someone with proven horror chops. Like Mr. Rogers. (I know he's dead, but imagine a worm-eaten corpse in a cardigan shambling around the set, holding a director's viewfinder up to his empty black socket. Now that's scary and funny. But I digress...) 

Jeff, however, would not let this stand, and fobbed the job off on Immortal Alien Stoners and Entertainment Gurus Mike and Ike, who began life as a feature in a college newspaper, and now return to their roots. Enjoy!

The Munsters (2022)

Directed by Rob Zombie

Written by Rob Zombie

Based on Characters Created By Norm Liebmann & Ed Haas

From a Format By Alan Burns & Chris Hayward

SOUND EFFECTS: LIGHTER. INHALE.

IKE: (Holding breath) Brain bad.

MIKE: I know, Isaac. I know. Now give me Falcor before brain leak.

IKE: (Exhales) Suck away, limey. You deserve it.

MIKE: You are not wrong.

THREE QUICK INHALES, LONGER ONE.

PAUSE.

IKE: Told ya this stuff was good. Keep holdin’...hold...and exhale!

THREE QUICK INHALES, LONGER ONE.

IKE: I know, limey. I know, but we’ll get through this. We gotta. I’m not lettin’ him break us. Now gimmie.

THREE QUICK INHALES, LONGER ONE.

IKE: Gimmie Falcor.

THREE QUICK INHALES, LONGER ONE.

IKE: Michael.

THREE QUICK INHALES, LONGER ONE.

IKE: I will punch your pecker so hard it’ll feel like Tuesday. Exhale!

EXHALE.

MIKE: (Short pause) I am ready now.

IKE: You are such a greedy bitch!

MIKE: (English accent) Greetings and salutations. He’s not Mike.

IKE: (Southern accent) He ain’t Ike, but we are confused.

MIKE: And pissed!

IKE: And sad.

MIKE: And high.

IKE: And impressed.

MIKE: And not at all aroused.

IKE: And it’s entirely cuz'a Rob Zombie.

MIKE: A.) Because he hasn’t called us in weeks!

IKE: And 2.) We watched The Munsters and...damn!

MIKE: I fucking hate prequels!

IKE: This is what Zombie wanted to do!

MIKE: Well Zombie’s wrong. I don’t care how they met! I don’t care about the early days of Butch and Sundance, and I could give less than three fifteenths of an actual fuck about when Harry met Lloyd!

IKE: Ya cared about how they got the Death Star plans.

PAUSE.

MIKE: Shut up. The point is it’s already got one strike against it. Strike beta: it’s in color.

IKE: Ta be fair

MIKE: To be fair

BOTH:(Singing) TO BE FAIR!

IKE: Zombie wanted it in black and white. Higher Ups nixed that.

MIKE: Well Higher Ups are wrong. The Munsters are basically classic Universal monsters, and said classic monsters are black and white. They just don’t work in color.

IKE: You’re not wrong.

MIKE: I know.

IKE: That bein’ said...

MIKE: Damn it! Let me enjoy my righteous fury!

IKE: The colors that Zombie used were incredible.

MIKE: I don’t care.

IKE: Ya said so while we were watchin’ the damn thing!

PAUSE.

MIKE: Point taken.

IKE: I think the best way ta describe the look of this thing is it’s as if Dario Argento directed Creepshow for kids.

MIKE: That’s...very good, Isaac. Well done.

IKE: Thank you.

MIKE: You may have Falcor now.

IKE: THANK YOU!

LIGHTER. INHALE.

MIKE: It should have been in black and white.

IKE: (HOLDING BREATH) You’re right. (EXHALE) I’m just saying what we got was pretty cool.

MIKE: I’m not letting this one go. I think I would have liked the film more if it’d been in black and white.

IKE: Really.

MIKE: Yes.

IKE: This prequel?

MIKE: Yes.

PAUSE.

IKE: Point taken.

MIKE: The acting is intentionally community theatre over the top and all the performances would have come across so much better if they had been in fucking black and white!

IKE: Agreed.

MIKE: That being said, My God, Richard Brake is great.

IKE: He’s got this Vincent Price on the Brady Bunch vibe goin’ on and it is awesome. Best Mad Scientist since Gene Wilder.

MIKE: In that category, agreed.

IKE: I also really liked Grandpa.

MIKE: The Count. Remember, it’s a PREQUEL!

IKE: Everybody in the flick is fine, but The Count and The Doc are really the ones worth talkin’ about.

MIKE: Sherrie was funnier as the newscaster.

IKE: We’re gonna go there now?

MIKE: I think we should.

IKE: Alrighty then.

LIGHTER, INHALE.

MIKE: Thank you.

LIGHTER, INHALE.

PAUSE. BOTH INHALE.

IKE: The flick’s not that funny.

MIKE: It has a few good jokes.

IKE: But most of them are really hokey.

MIKE: And really bad.

IKE: But here’s the thing.

MIKE: Godsdammit, Isaac.

IKE: The jokes are really no worse than anything heard on the original Munsters, or I Dream of Jeannie, or My Three Sons, or any sitcom from that era.

MIKE: That doesn’t make them good.

IKE: But it does make them accurate.

MIKE: I don’t care! I’m entertained watching The Munsters. Hell, I’m entertained watching Munster Go Home! I was not entertained watching this!

IKE: If it’d been in black and white?

MIKE: I might have been.

IKE: If it had been fifteen minutes shorter and in black and white?

M: But it’s not so it doesn’t fucking matter.

SHORT PAUSE.

IKE: This one hurt, limey.

MIKE: This one hurt bad, and it shouldn’t have! That’s the worst part!

IKE: Higher Ups suck.

MIKE: So say we all.

Episode 100 Part 2: Larry Blamire

 

It's the finale of Episode 100 and Jeff and Scott get to welcome back one of their favorite guests, the multi-talented Larry Blamire, to talk about steam punk, westerns, and donuts.

The Slumgullion Podcast · Slumgullion 100 Part 2: Larry Blamire

Episode 100 Part 1: Michael Lehmann

 

Jeff and Scott launch the Slumgullion's 100th Episode Extravaganza with a funny, fascinating interview with film and television director Michael Lehmann (Heathers, Meet the Applegates, True Blood, The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window).

The Slumgullion Podcast · Slumgullion 100 Part 1--Michael Lehmann

Jeff's Book Nook Presents: The Shark is Roaring

THE SHARK IS ROARING
THE STORY OF JAWS: THE REVENGE
Written by Paul Downey      

I have a confession to make. It’s something I’m not proud of, but if I’m ever to get over this, it must finally be confronted head on and dealt with.

I saw Jaws: The Revenge first show, first day.

My Mother, who had taken me to see Jaws 3-D, refused to see this one, but I was turning 17 in less than a month, so she said she would drop me off at the mall and let me see it by myself.

My first solo film! 

I was excited to see this. Mrs. Brody was coming back, Michael Caine was in it, and I had read the book (which was published a few weeks before the film came out) and I liked it. Didn’t love it, but I liked it.

Besides, my First Solo Film!

I should have waited a few months for Hellraiser.

Everyone knows. The film is a mess. Apart from a surprisingly intense opening kill (One of my favorites in the series, honestly), the script is a mess, the acting ranges from serviceable to non-existent, the shark is the worst looking of the series, and it roars.

The shark roars.

The last ten minutes of this film broke my soon-to-be 17-year-old brain. The filmmakers did the impossible. They made a film worse than Jaws 3-D.

And here is my secret shame: I enjoyed it. I still do. It’s my Beyond the Valley of the Dolls and I am ok with that.

Thirty five years after its release, someone has decided that the world needs an in-depth history of the most maligned of the Jaws franchise. Paul Downey, author of The Shark is Roaring, has put together a truly amazing history of the film, from inception to reception and beyond. There are interviews with cast and crew, analyses of the various cuts and the novelization, an overview of the soundtrack. Anything you could possibly want to know about Jaws: The Revenge you will find within its pages.

Except for one thing, which I will get to in a bit.

One important note before I go on. I was lucky to receive an advance digital copy of the book and I do not know if this is the final edit. There is an introduction mentioned in the table of contents that was not available and one of the interviews has a question with no answer, so there may be some changes between what I read and what is published.

First things first, I enjoyed the book. The interviews are interesting. I love the pre-release talk where everyone is trying to convince the movie going audience (and themselves, I think) that this Jaws will be as good as the first one, and the reflective interviews post-release are absolutely fascinating. There’s also a quite mean but quite entertaining essay on it from filmmaker B Harrison Smith.

When getting killed by a shark puppet, always start in the traditional "Arrgh! My CROTCH!" posture...

And finish in the classic "Neil Diamond in The Jazz Singer" pose.

That being said, I feel like the version I read would greatly benefit from one more edit. The early chapters have a lot of names and information that (to me) really aren’t relevant to the story being told (this actor who wasn’t in The Revenge worked with this actor who was in The Revenge on a different movie, though they didn’t share a scene together in that other film. Interesting but unnecessary). Also, the book kind of bounces around a lot. It’s a bit chaotic in its presentation (much like the film itself).

The big thing for me, though: The book is called The Shark is Roaring and there is no explanation as to why it roared. The roar is talked about, but we’re never given the genesis of the most famous thing from the film. If it is there and I missed it, I apologize to Mr. Downey, but I was looking for it. I was more interested in that than the history of shark films since The Revenge (which is covered). 

In conclusion, The Shark is Roaring is a flawed but highly entertaining read, which is how I feel about the film, so job well done.

The Shark is Roaring is published by BearManor Media and is available now.

A Slummie Prelude to Episode 100

 We're closing in on the century mark, and as Jeff deploys his bulldog-like persistence, his devastating charm, and his plucky pith (pithy pluck? Oh who cares...) in preparation for our One Hundredth Episode Extravaganza, we thought a little proof of life would be appropriate, so we're bringing back the Slummies! Enjoy this miniature episode, which is brief but concentrated, like a can of frozen orange juice in...uh...your underpants? Okay, while Jeff does all that stuff, I'll work on my analogies. Enjoy!

The Slumgullion Podcast · Prelude to Episode 100

Mike & Ike Grill Javier Grillo-Marxuach

 A Blast from the Past! Immortal stoners and media critics Mike & Ike return from the aether for another look at this classic interview with the creator of The Middleman!

The Slumgullion Podcast · Javier Grillo-Marxuach

Episode 99: The Adam Project

The Slumgullion Podcast · Slumgullion 99-The Adam Project